


Recipe

by Lanna Michaels (lannamichaels)



Category: Lord of the Rings (2001 2002 2003), Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-01-08
Updated: 2003-01-08
Packaged: 2017-10-17 06:22:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 296
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/173854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lannamichaels/pseuds/Lanna%20Michaels
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Two Parts Gondor. Three Parts Arnor. Add Sugar. Mix Until Confused.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Recipe

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted to Deadjournal. I am unsure if I ever posted it anywhere else.

Never let Men do the cooking, Sam discovered. They were liable to mess it up beyond all hope of repair.

Never get into Hobbit supplies, Boromir resolved. Too many ingredients, too many different kinds of pans. And must increase resolve to not wipe that expression of Sam's face with a sword.

Must restrain Boromir, Aragorn knew. Else he would go at Sam, who would never again let them borrow his pots. And cooking had been, er, fun. (And, no, the King of Gondor was decidedly *not* blushing).

You can't trust humans, Legolas decided. One moment they're telling you that all they want is some solitary cooking in the woods. Next you see a flying hobbit and two very embarrassed men.

This better not be the work of the Ring, Frodo thought. Else he was throwing it off the next cliff they came to, mission be damned. Hobbits did *not* need to see what men of Gondor wore under their uniforms.

So that's why there are so few Dwarven women, Gimli realized. They all killed each other while cooking. Or was it just because their beards got stuck in the fires? It was something to ponder (while not insulting the elf, of course).

Aragorn should have known better, Gandalf puzzled. Two men cannot possibly agree on which side is up, let alone how much rosemary is needed for soup. But what exactly was Sam doing there?

At least I can ejaculate silently, Merry beamed. I don't bring angry gardeners down on my head by threatening their precious pots by being close to semen.

That's disgusting, Pippin rebuked. Must remember it for later. Though I hadn't known rosemary could be such an aphrodisiac.

 

And Boromir and Aragorn resolved to never spill hot soup on their middle sections again.


End file.
